I think every mum has gone through a similar thought process when they have bad days, especially us stay at home mums (SAHM) because we have more time to reflect and think negatively and we have to deal with literally everything our kids throw at us, yes including toys! I’ve written previously my typical day in the life with 2 kids.
One day I’ll wake up and feel like Supermum, and other days I won’t even want to get out of Bed, but I know I have to get on with it no matter how tired I feel …. the boys needs come first.
A good parenting day for me is one that goes like so; get up at a reasonable hour of 7am, make the beds, and all get dressed while listening to heart radio, head downstairs, pop the telly on while I make the boys some breakfast and their milk/juice as they always thirsty first thing in the morning and I make myself a cup of tea or hot chocolate or even some fresh apple or orange juice depends how I feel. Clean the kitchen and the mess from breakfast while the boys play “nicely” in the living room. I carry on cleaning, putting a load of washing on, drying another load, mopping, hoovering and sorting Logan’s bag ready for nursery later. (That’s just a good morning for me) a bad morning is basically the total opposite, I don’t want to get dressed or have breakfast just sort the boys, I don’t want to clean and hoover or do any dishes, but when I don’t clean up meticulously I feel the guilt creep in and I start thinking things like “wish I could drive”, “why can’t I be better, like so and so’s mum”, “why do I have to rely on benefits, wish I could work and be a better role model for the boys”, “wish I could do more with the boys and take them out more, but no I can’t drive and Wrexham is shit and there’s nothing to do except for the park when it’s not raining”. I feel guilty for giving the boys chicken nuggets and fish fingers, and not spent all day making a meal that will probably end up splattered all up the wall and on the floor so forgive me for not seeing the point some days.
Don’t get me wrong I love being a stay at home mum” but “sometimes” I would like to get out and work and earn and socialise with adults and not just rely on social media and watching the same episode of Blaze the monster machines on repeat all day 😂 “sometimes” I do need a break and to let my hair down, does that make me a bad mum? “Sometimes” I would like to have a conversation with someone about something other than kids because I feel that as as soon as you become a parent you automatically go into “mum mode” and it just never seems to switch off. I do get a break at weekends when they go to their dads for the night but even then I don’t switch off, I’m constantly thinking about what they’re up to and if they’re sleeping / eating okay.
I’ve realised that no one is perfect and I’m not perfect and I’m okay with that. My boys are well fed, clothed and happy and at the end of the day that’s all that matters, despite how I sometimes feel after a rough week, stress, lack of sleep and total lack of motivation but you know what really helps… having a loving and supportive boyfriend who loves me as much as I love him, I can honestly say that’s something I’ve not felt before, total trust and security.
And you know what else really reassured me that I’m doing an okay job at this parenting lark, when Logan comes over to me and cuddles and say “love you mummy” and that makes my day!.
But yes that’s my little rant over with, please don’t bite my head off.
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